I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In America we eat man semen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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