Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
