god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
