Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
