This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
