a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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