best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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