I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
