I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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