Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
