i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
