it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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