Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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