I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
