I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
