I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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