At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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