Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You left your phone here
Wait...
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