can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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