Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
