how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize