Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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