we have officially lost it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
