Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
