Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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