Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
