omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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