mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
