Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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