I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
