he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So much rum. So many feels.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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