i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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