my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
