gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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