I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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