god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
