yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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