I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
