Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
