Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
