Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
