Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
