I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
