woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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