carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
