a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
