Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
