weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
