apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
