Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
