I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
