Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
