I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
