Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
