i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
