Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
