remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
