Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
