see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
