dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
