i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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