I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
