I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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