Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
