If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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