I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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