i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
