the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
