Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got chris browned last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
