Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize