I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
