My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
