Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
