I cockslap morals
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
