Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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