god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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