Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
